Baking is how i think.

If hair is my creative outlet, then baking is how i think.
 Last spring when i was unemployed and trying to figure out my life, i did more baking than i ever had.
It became my 'thing' ; how i coped with the massive amounts of stress, failure, confusion and depression i was combating.  Before i started my baking spree i think i spent 4 or 5 straight days in my black leggings, never leaving the house, just simply sitting on the couch for days on end wondering what in the world i was going to do.

then i entered my chocolate baking phase:
 
Friends, i have found that there is nothing more soothing than standing over the stove melting chocolate to put in brownies, or a melt in your mouth chocolate cake, or a cheesecake or anything else that piqued my fancy. standing there smelling the soothing aroma's of that chocolate made me believe that i could achieve anything i attempted.

so on i went into the cheesecake phase:

 interestingly enough my attempts at cheesecake actually didn't start out as well as i had hoped.  I had been known up to that point for the pumpkin swirl cheesecake with a gingersnap crust i would make at thanksgiving and/or christmas. But i wanted to branch out, i wanted to be better. and my first attempt at a blueberry cheesecake failed. oh my how it failed. in texture, flavor ( too sweet) just everything. but i didnt let that stop me. i started experimenting with a chocolate swirl cheesecake with a chocolate crust. success! once again i felt like maybe i would make it, maybe i would survive

as i was going through all of these baking experiences i was also looking for jobs, an hour and a half from where i was currently living, so that i could move north. to be closer to my brothers and closer to the church i had come to love. the whole task was completely daunting. but i had known that close to my brothers was where i wanted to be, and i was going to take advantage of this opportunity to make to move.
    I feel that i was saved from complete insanity by a handful of great people that really came along side  and helped me out. first off was my lovely friend Nichole who lived right down the street and was gracious enough to share her life with me for the few months we lived so close. our weekly walks with her son may have been my only saving on some days.
    Also in the mix was my current roommate Alicia, who was plugging away up northing trying to find a place for us to live that was within our budget. Words cannot begin to express how much of a rockstar she has been in my life and the gratitude i feel towards her. She is, simply put, an amazing woman and i'm grateful for her in my life.
 Thirdly i had a friend who kept me entertained; at times daily, via Facebook messages of just the most random, hilarious things. those messages were something to look forward too, a bright spot amidst the moving boxes, the stress of job searching, the depression of having no job and the overall overwhelmingness of it all.
The three of them became my lifeline, my connection to the outside world. a reason to actually get dressed and not wear the same thing i had been wearing for days on end. and at times they gave me the swift kick in the butt that i needed to keep myself in forward motion. and forward motion i kept. i did get a job, 3 in fact and i did move, to the most amazing of apartments and the life i live here is so vastly different of the life i had down on the south shore. But the one thing i have kept is my baking, but now i bake when i am happy, i baked when my heart was breaking and i didn't know what else to do, i bake now when i am content. simply put; now i bake. 


Now when i bake i know that whatever problem i may have, what ever issues i have rattling around inside my brain, i will have an answer by the time i'm finished baking. and not only an answer but also a delicious treat to reward me.

 what do you use to think? to clear your head? to look at your problems from another perspective?