this post isn't about food. its simply about my brain, and the thoughts going on inside of it currently.
Its been an unbelievably long week, painfully slow at some points, and moving too fast at others. Its been incredibly mental for me. I've spent a lot of time in contemplation and reflection. Learning about oneself is never easy. Top it with a work week of about 50+ hours and we're lucky i didn't have a nervous breakdown; although i have found that life without caffeinated coffee = no mental breakdowns for Meg.
This week a friend had the courage to confront me on being over dramatic, and not in a good way. She basically said that it was hindering my ability to build relationships with people, and that many people have actually discussed this flaw about me in negative light. ( i never knew) I know that i am a dramatic person. i don't feel things in halves... i either love or hate, there is no middle ground for me. But this area of extremes spills in other ways apparently as well. Making it very hard for people to gauge my reactions to certain things. So in short, most people are afraid to talk to me about tough things because they worry i might react poorly.
this bothers me.
i want to be the kind of person to build good and lasting relationships and if people feel like they can't talk to me, then there is a problem.
I'm not going to lie, when i first heard this i was pretty hurt, and i may have wanted to cry. But i didn't, and i asked her to cite examples and people so that i could better understand how to temper my reactions, because; simply put; i don't/didn't see it. That was a rough few minutes for me as she listed some of the people i love and trust the most and even a few wild cards i didn't know she knew. Then she really dropped the bomb, and told me "and _________ even said "" if she doesn't fix that no guy is ever going to want her" wow, just... wow.
Interestingly enough, due to the extremes in my personality, this comment hurt, but didn't leave a lasting sting or pain. It made sense in my brain, and while i don't feel that that statement is entirely correct, i see the logic in it.
So, its been an introspective week, add to that all the extra hours at work and you can imagine i've been a bit worn out. God has been amazing through all of this, allowing me to hear these things and react properly, openly and willing to embrace change. He has also opened up my mental space and my anxiety is so much better now that i know what it is and can address it by name when it strikes. My creativity is back and that is something to dance about. For so long all of my extra mental space has been wrapped up in anxiety that i haven't been able to visualize anything creative. Part of me has felt like i am slowly dying as i've had this need to create and no vision. It feels like a physical weight has been lifted off of my shoulders, and i know it can only be God. I can physically see the changes He has been making in me the last few weeks, and am excited that this is only the beginning...
Sometimes hearing the hard stuff is painful in the moment but oh so worth it in the end.
