sometimes i wonder if m broke me...
what if i can never feel again? thats how i feel sometimes.
like i am broken. irrevocably broken.
Recently i had the extreme fortune to meet one of the most amazing of men, he intrigued me from the moment he stepped through my friends doorway, and i remember thinking to myself, " i must meet this man".
So i did.
And i thought he was hilarious, and witty and fun to talk to. Definitely someone worth getting to know. So image my pleasure and surprise when just a mere 2 days later he asked me out on a lovely date,
i was hooked, so of course i agreed to a second...
and thats when i started to realize i might be broken...
There i was, on probably the most romantic date i had ever been on in my life, and instead feeling more for him, i felt less.
But i wasn't ready to be done. i wasn't ready to give up.
so i tried something new..
complete and utter honesty.
it was hard, communication has always been a struggle for me, and to be so open with someone i was just getting to know was even harder.
but it was so worth it.
we had a completely open and honest conversation, and he said that he'd like to continue, even though i might only be able to give him friendship in the end.
seriously, what a guy. so patient and gracious.
fast forward a little more than a month, and i found myself with the same reaction.
Valuing him highly as a person and a friend, but no more.
it was the hardest thing, breaking it off.. with someone i'd grown to value and appreciate and respect.
i don't laugh with many people, and he made me laugh.
So i wonder if maybe i'm broken. that maybe somewhere in the healing process i taught my heart not to feel...
the simplest answer is that it just wasn't right, not meant to be, thats why i didn't develop any more feelings for him
but part of me can't help but wonder...
did m break me for good?
