its hard
being caught between the old and the new.
so much of my energy and focus was spent on when we would get back together, that i neglected to think about what life would be like if we didn't. ans then once i did, the damage was done. the mindsets set.
deep down i aways knew we weren't right for each other, but the part of me that refuses to be wrong wouldn't let myself hear it. so i spent way to much time and energy hoping for what would and could never be.
energy and time i could have spent healing, and moving on...
so when i finally realized what exactly i was doing, i had created a whole mountain of baggage for myself to unpack
and thats what i have been doing, for what seems like forever now
unpacking the baggage.
only now, there is someone else involved,
and that makes it all the harder..
because i want to be ok. i want to be able to give him my whole heart, i want to be able to love him freely, but i almost feel like i can't
maybe its fear,
fear of getting hurt.
also a fear of hurting him.
what if i jump in only to find out it IS over my head
what if i make promises i can't keep?
i couldn't live with myself if i did that.
he means too much.
i want to be able to love him for forever
but i'm scared that i can't.
