gravity is making it hard to fly.

its hard
being caught between the old and the new.
so much of my energy and focus was spent on when we would get back together, that i neglected to think about what life would be like if we didn't. ans then once i did, the damage was done. the mindsets set.
 deep down i aways knew we weren't right for each other, but the part of me that refuses to be wrong wouldn't let myself hear it. so i spent way to much time and energy hoping for what would and could never be.
energy and time i could have spent healing, and moving on...
 so when i finally realized what exactly i was doing, i had created a whole mountain of baggage for myself to unpack
and thats what i have been doing, for what seems like forever now
unpacking the baggage.
only now, there is someone else involved,
and that makes it all the harder..
because i want to be ok. i want to be able to give him my whole heart,  i want to be able to love him freely, but i almost feel like i can't
maybe its fear,
fear of getting hurt.
 also a fear of hurting him.
what if i jump in only to find out it IS over my head
what if i make promises i can't keep?
i couldn't live with myself if i did that.
he means too much.
i want to be able to love him for forever
but i'm scared that i can't.