Learning to Abide

 I think the hardest thing about discipline is that satan knows when you are serious about kicking your sin to the curb. he knows the difference between a half hearted " i need more Jesus" and a " get out of my way, i NEED more Jesus", and he throws down the gauntlet when he sees we are serious.
 I feel like i have been begging God to help me overcome in one specific area in my  life, and i am so weary of fighting, so weary of feeling like i was losing ground. 2 steps forward, 5 steps back... and today it occurred to me; its not that God isn't listening... it's simply, as i am fighting to draw nearer to God, as i embrace sanctification, conviction and repentance, satan is raining down a firestorm trying to get me to give up.
and i will be honest, before today, i was ready to give up.
i am weary
i am tired
and i just want the fight to be over
i have no strength left in me to conquer this
i have been begging and begging God for divine intervention
for Him to just "fix it" and be done
but none of that has happend

but now i feel like i have a new perspective, and a new hope.
In Christ i find the strength to fight another day, to not give in. no surrender.
Because He has called me to this moment, He has called me to Himself.
And as i draw nearer and nearer to Him, satan is going to be pushing back, hard.
so, suddenly, i feel like i am on the right track, like maybe i am on the verge of winning this battle...
and for the first time in a long time, there is hope.

and so i work on this discipline
and i repent almost hourly for my sin
and i surrender
and i abide, knowing that as long as my focus stays on Him, i will survive.  come what may.