My Diva cup experience

* Warning: This post will be graphic in feminine nature, read at your own risk*

I Learned a valuable lesson this week: " Don't shove things up your vagina, they might get stuck"
  or, in other words-  " one girl's adventure with a diva cup".

  Thats right, I gave the Diva cup a try, and since my momma didn't raise a quitter, I even tried it twice.  I have since, given up.
Sorry Mom.

Now let me preface this by saying that my roommate B and my good friend T LOVE the diva cup, and have been raving about it to me. So after hearing them talk about it, I worked up the courage this cycle to give it a go. I mean, I use tampons, how hard could it really be?
.......

Words cannot even begin to describe my struggle- there was pleading, tears, and for a while I was pretty convinced T would have to actually remove the cup for me, but i'm getting ahead of myself.

                I started out the way I try all new things, foolishly overconfident and sure of myself. The doubt quickly started to set in once I tried to fold the diva cup to insert it. This should have served as a warning sign, but no, I pushed ahead, quite literally.  Determined to get it to work, I finagled that diva cup into my vagina by any means necessary, and then promptly lost it.
      I had apparently been a little 'overzealous' and had inserted it too far up.  I wasn't worried, the directions said this could happen, and to just let gravity do it thing. So I did, and alas, every time I rounded back to check, it was still gone.  I took Bella for a walk, and thankfully, gravity did its thing. " Finally", I thought, " time to get this thing out and try again" ( reference top of the page for my thoughts on quitting).
                      So I reached in, with my pointer and my thumb, as the directions state, to retrieve it. Imagine my surprise when that didn't work.
1) I was having a very hard time gripping the end of the cup, which inhibited by ability to pull it out.
2) By this point I am pretty sure I was stretching my vagina well past what it was accustomed to, and it HURT.

This my friends, is where the panic set it.
     After many a frenzied text to T, and several attempts to pull it out, I took another break. The cup really wasn't harming anything by staying up there, and it seemed like it was working fairly well. Despite my improper insertion.

Stick with me folks, I'm almost done.

Fast forward a few hours and after chatting with B and again with T, I muster up the courage and give it another try, confident in my delusion that it would be a piece of cake.  After several attempts I called to B to give T a call and have her come down ( T lives on the 3rd floor of my building and is a midwife)  After many different attempts, positions, tears, step by step instruction, assurances that my vagina was meant to stretch, I was on the verge of giving up. " its ok," I thought to myself,"i'll just leave it up there for forever, no big deal". At this point, both T and I assumed that she was going to have to 'glove up' and retrieve it for me. But, I wanted to give it one more try, I switched hands, got a good grip, and with the most gut wrenching suction breaking sound, it came out.

what. the. fuck.

the agony.

T calming said " oh, thats known as the ring of fire during labor, you need to just make sure you squeeze the lip of the diva cup when you pull it out so its not so big and painful coming out.

again

what. the. fuck.

But I was free, and most importantly I had done it myself- cue mental high five here.

            What should surprise you most is that this experience did not deter me from wanting to try the diva cup again. Clearly not that very moment, as my lady bits were experience a soreness of epic proportions, but soon.
            The next morning, after a lengthy tutorial from T, I was once again feeling confident and decided to give the cup a second go. There was a small struggle, but easier by far, than the previous day. Although I once again managed to get it a little higher than it was supposed to, at this point the only thing I can imagine is that I have an odd shaped vagina. Why else would I not be able to get it positioned correctly? Either way, I got it in, and mostly in the correct spot.
           Off to work I went, again, over optimistic. It only took a few hours for it to start leaking and for me to discover that I once again, was unable to retrieve the diva cup. Only this time I was at work. As I squatted in the work bathroom trying desperately to remember all the tips T had given me the night before, I promised myself I would give the Diva cup a rest after this. While it still took more time than I would have liked, I was able to, with relative easy retrieve the cup on my on. No I wait patiently for when my cylce once again lines up with my day off so I can attempt this once again.

I must be crazy.

Day off Changes.

Today has been difficult, days off can be for this extreme extrovert. After a go go go schedule, a day off gives me too much brain space to think, to feel, to process. I don't like it.

 I could be the poster child for denial.

I met my bar manager up at Brine in Newburyport for lunch today-That place is Heaven. Their rose sangria is wonderful, and the glasses they serve it in? Everything I could want and more.  We met so we could discuss how I can better help her manage the bar, as I have strong administrative skills and that isn't something she has time for. During lunch she told me she put her in her notice as manager...

 Do I think I have what it takes to fill her shoes? Would I be ready for that? Could I handle it? Do I want it?

I've finally got myself heading in the right direction with my cosmetology license, what would life look like if I were trying to juggle both?

    I  was contacted today about an event coordinator position by some caterers I worked with 2 years ago. They are starting their own company and they remember working with me at a wedding. I remember this couple, they were fantastic to work with, and the wedding could not have gone more smoothly. That could  have been pure dumb luck, or it could have been my skill as an onsite coordinator, we may never know. But I do remember them asking if they could recommend me to any brides they worked with in the future because they were so impressed that day.

 As my dad always says-  Always follow it through to its logical conclusion

This Tuesday gave me lots to ponder, and for once, its not all guy related.

confessions of the overly dramatic

  I have found, that with social media, I tend to be overly emo, or dramtic, about everyday things. This outlet is not good for a soul who is already predisposed to being dramatic <-- Me.

       Been working through some things the past few days, and I have had to stop myself countless times from posting vague and emo facebook status updates or overly dramatic instagram posts.
 I consider this growth, as last year, or the year before, there would have been no " had to stop myself" in that previous sentence. It would have just simply been- "I have been posting".

So instead I post here, because, well, its a way for me to release my thoughts out for all the 'verse to see, ( props if anyone picked up on the firefly reference) yet I don't have to worry about people actually reading it. I know I could take a page out of my friends book and make this blog 100% private, but I wont.  I don't mind the occasional soul stumbling across my ramblings.

Two days ago I took a chance, put myself out there, and it didn't go the way I was expecting. And as much as that makes me sad, I find myself at peace with the outcome. I NEEDED any outcome, because the ambiguous state we had found ourselves was driving me crazy. And as much as i WANTED a different outcome, i find my soul flooded with relief that all the wondering, the questions, the is this, or isn't this, is over. Now I know, and with that knowledge comes peace. Doesn't make it any easier, but, thats okay.

 Today's teaching on shereadstruth.com was on Romans 8:1, and a simple hymn.
  Here's the 4th verse, which I find so perfect for my thoughts today

While I draw this fleeting breath,when mine eyes shall close in death,when I soar to worlds unknown,see thee on thy judgment throne,Rock of Ages, cleft for me,let me hide myself in thee.  

from “Rock of Ages”
Augustus Toplady, 1776

Rock of ages, Cleft for me, Let me hide myself in Thee.
yes..